Here Goes Nothing...

Is this thing on? 

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Welcome to the first blog post of! I don't have a clue what I'm doing (I had this post 80% finished, for example, and somehow accidentally deleted it all) but as the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu once said, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Step taken. 

For as long as I can remember, I've been writing. Whether it be poems, or song lyrics, journal entries or short stories, I've always felt a kinship with the written word. For reasons that wouldn't become clear until I was much older, my partiality did not lend itself to consistency, and writing became a place I visited rather than a place I set roots in. I also never felt it was a viable career path for me for pretty standard reasons- self doubt, lack of representation, and good old fashioned fear.  The first courses I signed up for in college were all writing courses, and yet I had made up my mind that it was not a possibility for me. In retrospect, this all makes perfect sense. In my case, lack of discipline was less of a character flaw and more of a means of self sabotage. Wanting something only meant there was something to take away; floating by expending minimal effort made failure more palatable. It also made it more likely. 

I read something recently about change (and wrote about it here) that I found striking- essentially, that change only occurs when the discomfort felt by staying the same outweighs the discomfort felt by changing. This gnawed at me because my fear of failure, my self sabotage, and my self doubt all caused me an immense amount of discomfort- particularly the older I got as I took inventory of my life and realized just how divergent the road between where I thought my life would be and where I was had become. If I'm already feeling the discomfort, what do I have to lose by being vulnerable to what I want? 

It is in this spirit that I hit publish on this post. I'm not sure where this journey will take me, but a thousand miles is a long way to go. I might as well get started.